So there comes a time when you’re seeing someone new where you decide whether not to put out or hold out? This can be a tricky decision that can affect the rest of the relationship. It can improve your bond or prove true intentions. I wish it was simpler or not a big deal but to many people it is.
Many people would agree that having sex too early in the dating or talking stage can make things messy. Then there are some that say, “we’re grown”, so we can do whatever we want to. It all really depends on the individuals and the situation. Oh yea, and maturity.
There are some guys that will look at you as easy or having little self respect if you agree to lay down with them too fast. Of course they’ll try, but their view of you may change whether you go along with it or not. Especially if they’re truly into the chase and subconsciously see it as a sport. I’ve heard some men say their view changes because they ask themselves, “If I got it that easy, who else has?” and men would rather be with someone who isn’t so easy. I don’t necessarily agree with that point of view. Because, I wouldn’t want a guy who will try to sleep with every woman either. So should I look at men different for trying regardless of “boys being boys”.
A male friend once told me that if a guy is going play you, it doesn’t matter if he has to wait years. Once he gets what he wants, he’ll still play you regardless of time. That’s what makes things like this tricky.
And then there’s men who don’t mind it too much because it’s their own personal experience with you. It’s one of those things where if the timing is right, then they can respect it. As long as there is mutual respect and desire, why judge? I respect these men more because it’s honesty. The whole debonaire fake gentleman act just to get in your pants is childish to me. It should be seen as bad taste but it’s seen as “a man being a man”. But if I for instance was putting on a charming act to get in your pockets it’s viewed more negatively than a guy who does the same for sex.
So whether to put out or hold out totally depends on who you’re dealing with. Listen to the man, pay attention and exchange thoughts of intentions or values. Using your common sense, it’s not too difficult to get hints on someone’s intentions. And if it’s not too soon, have a discussion about sex. Not just about the physical act but his views on what sex truly is to him. After you find that your values align, you can take the next step with confidence!